Jamie was the kind of person who made it absolutely impossible to not be her friend. If you knew her, or were even in the same room with her for more than sixty seconds, she befriended you and there was not a thing you could do about it. The most charming part was that, after the initial shock, you didn't WANT to do anything about it. All of a sudden, her presence in your life was absolutely indispensable. It didn't matter what kind of day you were having; she made it better. She radiated a joy that was so clean and not marred by the cynicism of the world or the triteness of the Church.

She sang with the most beautiful, penetrating, shimmering soprano voice you would ever want to hear. It's so unjust that this world will not hear her sing again, except for the hollow ring of a recording... the music is there, but the soul in it has passed on.

She made my twentieth birthday memorable. Without her, I would have spent it alone in my dorm room. She remembered my birthday and was shocked that I wasn't going out to celebrate. Most of my friends were busy or hadn't remembered. She insisted that I come over to her house with Brad, Travis, and Andrea. We annoyed people in the video store and took forty five minutes to choose a movie to rent. We picked "O Brother, Where Art Thou." We ate junk food and laughed. We sang along to the soundtrack, though I felt dwarfed and humbled to sing with her.

First year, she taught me what joy was.

Second year, she reminded me on a daily basis that I was loved.

Third year, she reminded me that there were people at home that remembered me and were praying for me, and missed me.

This year, though I didn't see her terribly often, she let me see how she had grown in wisdom. She had a perspective that I envied. When we talked, I knew what honesty was.

The last time I saw her was about a month ago, at the King's Head pub in Winnipeg. We were there for Jeremy's birthday. Jordan was there too. I didn't know him as well, but what i knew of him revealed a kindness, gentleness, and inner strength that were the perfect balance for Jamie's exuberance and unrestrained joy. We sat and talked, while I drank a guinness. She talked about her future... she had the feeling that it was wide open, and that there was something coming up that would change things. She knew that where she was and what she was doing weren't her permanent vocation. She wasn't content, but she didn't complain. She just wanted to move on and do something new.

Jamie and Jordan's last days were spent on a mission trip to Mexico. They were killed the day after they arrived home. It's a small comfort to know that they were doing what they wanted to do most in their last two weeks on earth.

This world has been robbed and cheated. It will never be the same without them. I thought they'd be married soon... doing awesome things and being the most loving, dynamic couple to be around. I thought she would be teaching children music. I never dreamed for a second that she wouldn't reach the age of twenty two.

It seems so unfair. Obviously, God does not play by my rules.

I am: grieving